Chronicle 45

Wanda was having difficulty with her new position as a single woman after her disastrous breakup. She also didn’t know exactly how to be an eggplant monster in a man’s world. For months after the split, she simply rolled around the outskirts of Big City, where her beloved farm was, prior to the fire she set. She’d tumble over cars sometimes, through glass storefronts, or over pedestrians. But the thing that kept her going was the anonymity she had in her new form. Wanda was forgotten. She was the nucleus of the creature, never to be seen by the light of day again. It was freeing. She felt it was time to truly be her most authentic self, and the world would come to love Wumpus.

On a roll through the arts district, Wumpus smashed through the wall of a building where the taping of a live Shy Monster episode was taking place. She watched the show when it first came on, but lost interest in the later seasons. The characters on stage were unrecognizable. Except, of course, for Shy Monster himself. Each revolution, Wumpus fixed her eyes on the adorable, world-famous, scaly, volcano-esque monster.

Though attempts to stop her were being made by the production team, Wumpus steadily rolled on. She reached the edge of the stage, where all acting had halted. The audience was chattering amongst themselves, wondering whether it was all part of the special episode. Wumpus popped up to her root-like feet, smiling at the star, her mouth opening for the audience to see. The rows of teeth drew a snap of gasps.

“Hey there.” Shy Monster cut through the silence.

Wumpus stared for a moment, slightly starstruck, more so realizing she was on camera and not knowing how to behave. She turned to her left, causing the camera on that side to slowly get a close-up of her ridiculous face. The audience erupted into laughter, then simmered quickly. Wumpus then turned to her right, getting the same effect on that side, her mouth wide open the entire time. Another burst of laughter.

Shy Monster grew impatient. “Could you please take a seat.” He gestured with a pointy limb to the area where there were empty chairs for the audience.

“Oh, sure!” Wumpus replied, plopping down onto the floor in the shot still, arms around her knees.

“Someone please get this thing.” Shy Monster sighed.

“This thing?” Wumpus shouted her question powerfully, causing the room to go silent to see what was next.

“This… eggplant?” Shy Monster attempted to identify her. The production crew took hold of her arms, but she began to resist.

“Release me!” Wumpus jerked away from the two men grabbing her. Her top root grew and grounded her to the Earth, needling through the stage and floor. “I will not be moved!”

“Please, we’re trying to film a show here.” Shy Monster pleaded softly.

“Then film!” Wumpus screeched. “You and your team of haters can just film my big eggplant rump if that’s what you want to call it. We’re all peasants to you, aren’t we?”

“What?”

“You’re a thing, Shy Monster.”

“Correct.”

“I mean it in a bad way!” Wumpus screeched again. The audience covered their ears at the shrill sound.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Now he’s apologizing!” she screeched again, this time her body grew in tandem as she vocalized. The audience was instructed to evacuate as Wumpus continued to grow. “You’re disgusting, all you famous dingos. I’m so sick of the way powerful men walk around and talk to women.”

“You’re a woman?”

“AHHH.” Wumpus screeched her loudest, and grew to displace all the remaining occupants of the set. The camera repeatedly got knocked back to a perfect position to cover the entire event. “I want a candy necklace.”

“You can’t just make demands…”

“AHHHH.” again she grew, and the sounds she emitted became problematic for the entire arts district.

“Get her a candy necklace.”

“And shoes.” she said in her normal voice, her eyes sliding down to meet Shy Monster’s.

“What kind of shoes?”

“Forget the shoes.”

Wumpus sat with her arms wrapping her knees until one of the production assistants slung a candy necklace up to get caught on one of her teeth. She began to shrink immediately.

“Now that’s respect.”

“Please go.” Shy Monster said.

Wumpus snapped off the withering root and wandered off the set before toppling onto her side and rolling as she was before rudely interrupted. It was now getting late, but even in the dark she didn’t make it far before realizing what had happened. People stopped to take pictures of her, or tried to stop her to talk and got run over a bit. Her meltdown on the set of Shy Monster was streamed live to the whole world on every platform. Before even being able to process the situation, she was approached by a silver limousine. Without them lowering the window, she opened the door and sat inside, her top stem breaking through the glass of the sun roof. The car began to move.

“I saw the Shy Monster video.” a dolled up woman stated dryly, sitting at the back of the limo, wiping glass specks from her colorful hair. Wumpus stayed silent, thinking she was in trouble for destroying the building. “It was INSANE! My name is Hula, as in hoop.”

“HAH! I LOVE THAT!” Wumpus screeched, amused. “Call me Wumpus, as in Wump-Iss.”

“Perfect.” Hula took out her phone and typed for a moment. “I just booked you for an interview with Boochie Tonight.”

“Boochie Tonight!?” Wumpus shouted, having no idea what that was.

“Yep.” Hula said proudly. “The way you stuck it to Shy Monster was incredible. People are so afraid of strong… women. The world needs a little more craziness, a little more Wumpus. Oh my god, when you screamed ‘Release Me!’, I almost shit myself.”

“My husband left me.” Wumpus told Hula out of the blue.

“Let’s not bring that up. You’re going to make people smile. That kind of thing does not.”

“When’s my interview.”

“Right now.” Hula leaned forward and opened the door beside Wumpus. They were at the set of Boochie Tonight. Hula shoved Wumpus out of the car and peeked out of the top. “Good luck, crazy!”