Chronicle 36

Chunky Muffin and Beefatron walked hand in hand into an abandoned mall on the far west side of Big City, a largely unpopulated area due to recent attacks on suburban homes. They’d been searching for somewhere to live unbothered by the hunger of the masses. Though Beefatron’s attraction was dampened significantly by Chunk’s crumbles, there was still a proximity at which people lost their minds, gaining an insatiable craving for a taste of the meat-bot. Beefatron wasn’t the only one who posed a danger to others, Chunk’s infinite muffins would distract people as they ran around frantically. Together, they were better off away from anything with an appetite.

They moved away tables and chairs to clear a large section of the food court for themselves to sit and talk.

“Maybe soon we can leave the city and find some place where there aren’t so many people.” Beefatron suggested, getting Chunk’s wheels spinning.

“Perhaps a mountain.”

“Or perhaps an island, where the only thing we’ll have to worry about is climate change.”

“We may fare quite well in a desert.”

“Yes, I’d agree with that, we may.”

Suddenly, the pair heard a large clapping sound. They saw a shadow cast on the second floor of the mall, and heard people speaking. Beefatron grabbed Chunky Muffin and rolled them both to behind a wall to eavesdrop.

They realized that the clapping was actually chomping and the culprit was a low-level villain they’d seen on TV. It was Mad Mouth, a little guy with a massive mouth full of perfect teeth, able to bite through any material. He was meandering along, pacing the floor with henchmen, ‘Mouthies’, as they were known, being similar in appearance to MM, but having much smaller mouths. Beef and Chunk realized that the mall served as his lair, a base of operations to carry out misdeeds. Beefatron smiled, hiding a deep sadness, realizing that the only place he and Chunk only belonged was somewhere a villain would call home.

“Hey, what’s the matter, Beef?” Chunk asked, holding out a dancing muffin to cheer up his buddy..

“We’re no good. We are bad for people. We’re bad like him.”

“I believe we’re good. We don’t want to hurt anyone. This is just the way we are” the crumbly hero whispered, wiping away a beefy tear from the meat-bot’s eye.

“WHO’S DOWN THERE.” Mad Mouth’s head snapped toward the food court. “COME OUT FROM THERE, OR YOU’LL GET THE *CHOMP* *CHOMP* *CHOMP*.”

Beefatron took Chunky Muffin again and rolled away towards the exit. They heard Mad Mouth behind, chomping away, growing closer and closer - louder and louder. In the common area of the mall, the pair was stopped in their tracks. Mad Mouth got a lead on them and leapt from the second floor. He bit in midair downward to break his fall. When they got a look at his massive face-hole, even being big food-monsters, they were disgusted, nearly vomiting.

“What do we have here?” Mad Mouth questioned the fellas.

“I’m a robot made of scientifically perfect beef.”

“I’m a large muffin.”

“Why?” the villain asked, his two henchmen coming down the stairs and gathering beside him.

“Well, I was an experiment that veered off of its original intention of solving world hunger. The scientists who created me became obsessed with the idea of creating the most delicious bite of meat possible. The problem is, my body absorbs any flesh that touches it. I’m not even sure people die when I absorb them, I just know they’re in here and not out there.”

“And I was born from the center of another dimension. A piece of eternal crumble spawned me into this world and a mystic trained of that realm turned me into what you see before you now. My big issue is that pieces of me crumble off regularly and become little muffins that even I can’t resist eating. I call them muffinites… they’re sentient, so it’s not very pleasant to hear them scream.”

“I was going to ask why you’re here.”

“Oh, so I have an issue where if I’m too close to people, they can’t resist but run up to me to get a taste. Then, when they touch my beefy body, they get absorbed into me. And I don’t want to absorb anyone. So we came here to get away from people. But I guess this isn’t the right place.”

“I followed my pal Beefatron.” Chunky Muffin added.

Mad Mouth held his hand over his eyes, already exhausted speaking with the duo. His henchmen whispered into his ear.

“Thanks so much for the information.” Mad Mouth said with a big smile.

“Sure.” Chunk smiled back.

“I’d like to make a proposal.”

“Ooh. Okay.” Beefatron said.

“You can stay here. But only if you steer clear of our operations.”

“Really?! We planned to head out of the city sometime soon, but maybe we’ll stay a little longer.”

“We greatly appreciate your hospitality.” Chunky Muffin tossed Mad Mouth and each of the Mouthies muffins.

“Of course.” Mad Mouth replied, returning to the second floor.

“Maybe he’s not such a bad guy.” Beefatron posed.

“It would seem we’ve been misled by the mass media.”

As night came, Beef and Chunk laid on their backs side by side under the stars shining through the skylights over the food court. They shared a vision of the future, a daydream of time in paradise, where nobody was absorbed, no muffinites were bit into pieces, everything was calm. Both heroes fell asleep simultaneously - Beefatron just powering down to match Chunky Muffin’s nightly period of inactivity.

Screaming woke the big boys. They stood up to see that the mall was no longer abandoned. People were coming in ready to shop as if it never closed. Everyone that came near the food court raised an eyebrow at the odd pair before getting so close that they were becoming integrated into Beefatron’s body. Nearby shoppers were screaming, though many people were just walking around looking for an open store. Muffins ran around evading capture until people stomped on them or grabbed them to eat.

Someone stood atop a table in the food court and leapt from it to the top of Chunky Muffin. They sunk their teeth into the buttery goodness as he looked up to see what was going on. Beefatron moved to help, swinging a meaty arm at the person. He batted them off, but in the process, his body released all the living crumbs that were blocking the scent from exiting his skin. The mall was no longer partially civil. Everyone inside became a meat-zombie, charging into the food court to get a taste of the big boys. Chunk and Beef looked up to see out the skylight, Mad Mouth and the Mouthies cackling wildly, holding flyers for the mall’s false grand-reopening. The meat and the muffin were in a real pickle.