Clown school posed little challenge for young Hank. Though his parents didn’t approve of his choices, they understood his passion. 

At his own birthday parties as a child, Hank would perform for the other children. Any chance he’d get, he would dress in wacky outfits and wear face paint. It felt, to him, that he was born a clown.

 

Only eighteen years old, he received from headmaster Pobbles the honor of Top Fool at his school, an idol the other clowns looked up to. They all learned and benefitted from his unique brand of shenanigan. All but the Bozos.

The Bozos were the equivalent of a gang. Dark makeup, insult humor, and weapons for juggling were a sure sign of a Bozo.

Choo-Choo was the leader of the group of miscreants. She desired to take Hank down in the most vicious way possible. Target his glaring weakness.

Hank was only a first year. Most clowns come into school with a clown name already, but Hank told the headmaster that he couldn’t settle on a name. Choo-Choo saw this as an advantage. As the youngest clown to ever become Top Fool, he was also the only one without a clown name.

In the hallway, the Bozos gathered outside a classroom to wait for the Fool. A smaller clown than most, Hank was pushed and kicked around with ease. The Bozos sprayed grease on his outfit, juggled knives around him and laughed maniacally at him. 

 

Choo-Choo stepped forward and said, “Well done HANK. Can’t believe we have our first non-clown Top Fool.”

Hank was bruised all over and covered in grease, but the greatest pain was Choo-Choo’s words.

He skipped class and went to his dorm to recover. “The Bozo’s are right.” he thought. “I can’t be ‘Hank the Clown’.”

The next morning, Hank sadly packed everything he had into a tiny, joke suitcase that fit between his fingers. Had anyone been there to see it, they may have relieved themselves from laughter.

Hank gave up clown-hood and over the next ten years worked on himself. He actually went on to start a family and have a pretty successful career in bodybuilding.

On the day of his son’s first birthday, the clown he hired fell ill. There was no stand-in.

Hank knew there was only one thing he could do. He found that tiny suitcase and donned the attire of a life once known. It fit snugly, as he had grown much since last wearing it.

 

All the children passed out from laughter from his performance. The audience remaining were the breathless mothers, and a couple of the kids' fathers.

Hank heard an exchange from one of the parents and knew his fate was sealed. He would return to clown life and take on the Bozos.

“What a hunk!” a mother said to Hank’s wife.

Overhearing this, one of the fathers turned and laughed, “You mean, a Honk?!” 

 

Honk directed a one-night circus in Big City Park which was wildly successful. The event ended around midnight, so he began to pack up. While he collected all the props and dismantled equipment, he kept hearing a strange belching sound just outside the tent. Each time it got louder and more messy. Honk took down the tentpoles and it revealed to him the heavily impaired bear with honey dripping out of its mouth.

“Just leave me. BURRP.” Bachelor Bear requested, though there was no indication anyone was going to help him. “LEAVE!!”

A balloon began to inflate just above the bear on the park bench. With a swift move of the hands, Honk turned it into an exact replica of Bachelor Bear, complete with glasses and all. He smiled and handed it to Bach, but the bear just rolled over and groaned.

“Impressive, but a balloon can’t mend a broken heart.” he whined.

Honk held a hand to his chin and decided he was more invested in this than cleaning up the circus. He pointed a finger in the air as if he had an idea. From a ridiculously tiny briefcase, he pulled out a ton of balloons and tied them to Bachelor Bear’s waist. Bach just let it carry him as Honk himself took hold of some himself and they flew towards the downtown area.

“Please just let me mope.” Bachelor Bear pouted.

Honk slowly began to pop the balloons carrying the two of them so they could have a soft landing. They were in front of Club Juicy, where Bachelor Bear could be found most nights. Honk slapped Bach with a fish on each cheek. Bach glowed as if ready to fight, but the glow faded as even his Bachelor Presence couldn’t overcome his mood. Honk held open the door to the club and the two of them took seats at the bar as the nightclub was bumping.

The clown tapped Bachelor Bear and pointed to a woman a couple seats down. He mimed a conversation with his hands and pointed again, guiding the bear to speak to the woman.

“Hello, I’m Bud. What’s your name?” Bach weakly introduced himself. The woman completely ignored him. Honk grabbed his paw and gave a firm ‘no’ with his arms. He then slicked back his hair and smiled handsomely, showing Bud how to approach.

“Excuse me. You look like my mom.” Bach tried again. Honk put a sack over his head and dragged him out of the club.

A master of non-verbal communication, Honk was ready to whip out the big guns to convey to Bachelor Bear what he needed to. Before he was able to reach into the briefcase, a beautiful woman approached him from the street.

“If you’re coming into the club, we should dance.” she said, then entered the club.

Honk held up a finger to tell Bachelor Bear to wait while he began to head inside to dance with the pretty lady.

“Where are you going?” the bear said, looking up the ground.

Honk danced in response.

“She invited me to dance. Not you.” Bachelor Bear said, dead serious, as if he wasn’t just laying on the sidewalk on his back, covered in honey and the woman clearly spoke directly to Honk.

Honk laughed at Bach and walked inside the club. The woman was at the center of the dance floor, looking right at him. He danced over, but was grabbed from behind. Bachelor Bear was glowing bright and he swung Honk with one arm over to the corner of the room. As he began to dance with the woman, his glow dimmed until it was gone. Honk had an opening. He squirted the dance floor with a fake flower, causing everyone to slip. Bachelor Bear looked back at him.

“She doesn’t want you, clown. She wants to care for the bear.” he spoke in third person, causing anyone in earshot to cringe. The woman stood up and returned to dancing, however.

“Guys. You can both dance with me.” she said.

Honk was not too happy to share, but he moved in and the three danced until the club was otherwise empty.

“What’s your name?” Bachelor Bear asked her.

Instead of an answer, the woman screeched in many voices. The dance floor became warm beneath their feet. The skin upon her face peeled off, the clothes tore. There was something else beneath them, some kind of chitin exoskeleton. It was the top section of an otherworldly beast, primed to devour the two heroes.

“You can have her.” Bach told Honk.

The club owner, Ryan Flyer walked out in a white robe, his hands covered in blood.

“That’s right, bear.” he said as the beast descended into the floor and Bach’s glow came back on. “How many times have I banned you from Club Juicy. You come back another time, I’m summoning that thing for real.”

“Ry guy, what are you talking about!?.”

“Stop calling me Ry guy. It’s the worst possible nickname.”

“Big Ry?”

“No. Stop.”

“You really don’t want me to come back?”

“Please.” Ryan said. Bachelor Bear hung his head and began to walk out.

Honk walked up to Mr. Flyer and pulled out of his briefcase an envelope that said “Circus Money”. He handed it to the man and pointed at the sign.

“You want to buy Club Juicy?” Ryan asked. Honk nodded. He quickly counted the money and his eyes widened. “Yep. All yours.” He had Honk sign some papers and fled the building.

“How much did you pay?” Bachelor Bear asked. Honk shrugged. “So we own this place now.”

Honk shook his head violently at Bachelor Bear, who pretended not to see him as he walked around the club eyeing all the changes he planned to make.