Chronicle XI

Theorem perched stoically in a corner of Big City Park atop an egg three times his size. As the most successful egg-layer around, he was surrounded by others trying to follow his lead. None had the ability to lay eggs like Theorem, so they all admired his skill. Notoriety served him poorly however.

The notorious crime boss BD got word of Theorem’s hatches. As the son of a single mother, more than anything else, he wished to be a father. Alas, the world he resided in was not his own. The dinosaurs in this world were long gone, and though he had enough money to get one cloned from old DNA, he’d have to launder it all first. That, he didn’t have the time to do.

BD assumed that, because the eggs Theorem hatched were so large, there was a chance it could be a dinosaur. He figured that even if it was just something non-human growing within, he’d adopt it and become the father he yearned to be.

At midnight, Theorem awoke to the sound of rumbling and footsteps. A gang of henchmen formed a line and then split to allow the boss to pass through.

“The name’s Big Dino. You’ve got yourself in a bit of trouble, it seems.”

“Trouble?”

“You took my egg without permission.” Big Dino had heard of Theorem’s dimwittedness and used it to take advantage of the simpleton. “You see, I’m a massive dinosaur. And you’re a… medium-sized human. Dinosaurs come from eggs. This egg belongs to me.”

“Hmm. Dinosaurs come from eggs…” Theorem’s brain began to work on a theory that would solve this conflict. “...But you didn’t come from an egg.”

“I did.”

“I didn’t see it. That means you’re not a dinosaur.”

“Wha-” Big Dino furled his brow in frustration. He signaled for his men to seize the genius. “This guy’s dumber than we-”

Everyone paused for a moment as Big Dino seemed to be stunned. He began to fade away in front of everyone. After a few seconds, the henchmen all looked around and then fled the scene, leaving Theorem alone. His theory took the dinosaur from Big Dino, and a dinosaur was all he was.

“Where’d everyone go?” Theorem looked around and then shrugged, falling asleep shortly after.

In the morning, Theorem was awoken by a horde of reporters and policemen. Everyone shouted questions at him and the noise became too much. He shook his head and pointed at one reporter. The crowd grew silent as she asked her question.

“There were multiple reports that you took down BD right here without any violence! Could you please comment on what happened?”

“Hmm.” Theorem began to theorize, the crowd’s ears perked up awaiting the follow-up. “Time is like a spiral staircase and space is like a pendulum. As I climb, the pendulum swings. As I remain still, the pendulum remains still.”

Everyone’s faces scrunched as they contemplated for a moment possibly the most useless, ridiculous interpretation of anything they’d ever heard. It wasn’t just an interpretation anymore, however. Theorem’s words changed the fabric of reality. The egg beneath him turned to strips of space spiraling upwards along with everything around him. The entire universe was engraved on a spiral staircase, just as he theorized.

The great scientist and theorist looked around in awe of the void surrounding the staircase he stepped on. Each time he placed a bare foot down, it rippled like water onto all the pieces of the universe beneath his feet. As usual, he felt vindicated that his theory was correct, though he was not alone in observance.

“What did you do?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re here, so I’m guessing one of your theories did this.”

“Did what?”

“BROKE TIME… LOOK AROUND YOU. The universe is a staircase, you don’t see that and say ‘something’s off’?” the voice was given an appearance as a floating crustacean whizzed by Theorem. “Listen. I know you don’t think like everyone else. But you gotta keep your theories less universal.”

“How do I do that?”

“Stay away from the big three: time, space, and reality.”

“Okay.” Theorem’s mustache curled up as if he was smiling, happy to oblige. “So who are you? Why are you here?”

“I’m Shrimp Temporal. I’m usually the guy causing temporal disturbances.”

“You can call me Theorem. You’re my new friend.” Theorem proposed this theory, though it was already true.

“Not so new, Theorem.” Shrimp Temporal’s clock projected a montage of resets he had to do from Theorem’s more destructive theories. “This time, I’m worried. You didn’t just disrupt your world or your city. This is everything.” Shrimp Temporal floated to one stair of the staircase and began to tap it with all of his shrimp limbs. He continued, sounding completely stumped. “You’ve changed our universe’s time into something I cannot control.”

“You can control it.” Theorem replied. ST turned to him and smirked, having brought him exactly where he needed.

Shrimp Temporal’s freaky shrimp arms manipulated the stairs without issue. It unwound and the universe flowed backwards into position, everything back up to the moment Big Dino approached Theorem.

“This egg belongs to me.” Big Dino said menacingly. As the henchmen approached the egg, Theorem vanished, and the universe halted to Shrimp Temporal’s will.

Theorem floated outside of time beside Shrimp Temporal. He prepared to speak, but ST put a shrimp finger up to silence him.

“I need your help.”